My Dead Are Not Yet

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Dennis asked us for 'our dead'. i really don't have any. obviously i've been alive when important people have died. obviously i've had friends, family members, and acquaintances who've died. but none in particular stand out as 'my dead'. Dennis said he meant someone whose death had made a particular impact on us. some of my artistic heroes, like Haring and Mapplethorpe, died while i was alive, but at the time i was too young to notice their deaths or know their art. i can't say that their deaths made any impact on me at all. when i came to know them, they were dead already. their being dead was+is like any other part of them.

there is James Lyons: i always really, really wanted to meet him. there were so many things i wanted to ask him about cutting Todd Haynes' films, especially Velvet Goldmine. and i wanted to ask him about all his own favorite movies. but is James Lyons my dead? naw, i can't claim him.

so about 'my dead', i wasn't sure what to say . 'i don't have any dead' sounds preposterous and most people would misunderstand that sentence, like i've never known someone who's died. 'my dead don't exist' is confusing and weirdly sci-fi. 'my dead are still alive' avoids the question. but 'my dead are not born yet': that sums it up for me.

to be clear about my dead not being born yet, assuredly, i don't mean that my dead are what some call 'the unborn'. my dead haven't yet been [biologically] conceived either. but if i say 'my dead have not yet been conceived', 'conceived' sounds like 'imagined' or similar.

when i imagine my dead, i think of the far future. i think probably of people who will be born after i die. and when those people eventually die, they will somehow impact me enormously.

from the bottom of my arm, my patient nooses and tears dangle in anticipation.

file under; drawn; self capture
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Fetching

file under; drawn
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I'm an Entertainer

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this is my first drawing with Rapidograph pens, which definitely rock, although i'm not sure anything can really beat those 24-packs of ultrafine Sharpies from office supply stores. even though the Sharpies dot up prety bad, they're just a bit more punk rock. especially since you don't need any special kind of paper to get good line from them.

still, i can't wait to try, say, red ink in the Rapidographs. first i have to use up an awful lot of black ink, though [or go buy some more Rapidographs]. when you've got nice paper, Rapidographs are badass for sure.

the drawing is a cut-out; i scanned it against a purple Pendaflex folder. and this drawing is for my friend Todd in Portland.

file under; drawn
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James Lyons, filmed by Todd Haynes

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he died on Thursday; he was 46. he was in Poison, Swoon, Safe, and even that daft film of Frisk. he cut Velvet Goldmine. he was hot and smart. listen to his commentary [with Haynes] on the Poison dvd if you haven't heard it yet.

things James Lyons and i had in common: admirers of Todd Haynes, riders of the Brooklyn F train, members of ACT UP

file under; filmed; male beauty
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self-portraits by Gil

file under; male beauty; photographed
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Another Knight

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this one took me for-fucking-ever, partly because of my dayjob, partly because of other stuff. i look at it and see a good drawing, but definitely something overstudied. now i kinda understand what Keith H meant when he said an artwork must be completed in a single session to make sense. for me, it doesn't have to be a single session, but about 5 days maximum is good. i spent nearly 2 weeks on this one and yeah, i don't think that's the best strategy for me.

one cool thing about spending more time with this one though, i feel like i took the time to learn more about color, which is one of my biggest weaknesses and something i really want to conquer.

but now i'm ready to do something else. i just got some Rapidograph pens for the first time ever and i can't wait to do a single-color, straight-up line drawing.

file under; +; drawn
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a fire. it can never look wrong. it is never too big or too small. it's never lopsided, never awkward. you cannot possibly frame it incorrectly. no matter what, a fire always looks incredible.

obviously, flames exist in 3d space and my drawings are [very] 2d. the way i get the shapes is by trying to transpose the look of a fire onto a 2d space. other things too, like pieces of hair, waves of water, folds of fabric, parts of the body. but mostly, definitely the look of a fire.

flames don't enter into my daily life much. i don't even smoke. i do cook on a gas stove.

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edit: oh, and i didn't take this picture. it's one of the first current Google Images hits for 'fire'. it's of a castle on fire in 2007 in Derby, UK.

file under; writ
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